There is so much going on right now that it's hard to even know where to begin. I'm still trying to deal with some of the same stuff, and just here in the past few days, there have been new "hurts" and new stresses added. It's certainly easier to deal with problems when it's just one thing at a time, but unfortunately life doesn't ask if you're ready for another problem before it hands one to you.
To be honest I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. But who isn't? We all have our own problems and stresses. I'm certainly not the first person to feel this way.
Unfortunately the only solution to many of my problems is time. They aren't going to go away overnight, so what I need from my loved ones is patience and understanding. I need people to know that I won't be myself for a while, but let me be sad and let me hurt until I'm better.
When you're going through a storm, the worst thing you can do is to tell yourself (and the world) that you're fine when you really aren't. Part of facing pain and getting through it is admitting that it's there. Otherwise you're just "sweeping it under the rug"...pretending like it's not there and not dealing with it. I know this all too well. Because you never truly deal with your problems, they build up until you simply can't handle it and you break down. So many people that you come in contact with everyday is on the brink of a meltdown, but you'd never know it by looking at them. They don't want anyone thinking that they aren't strong enough to deal with whatever is going on (men especially), so they put on a brave face. But the person with true strength isn't afraid to face their pain. They aren't afraid to appear hurt or vulnerable to the world. We all feel pain, and there's nothing wrong with that. You gain strength and build character by facing your hurt, not by acting like everything is fine. I wish people were more honest with themselves these days. I'm sure that this world would be much different if we were.
At this point, I'm honestly very tired of people's attempt at comforting words. The "I'm sorrys" and "things will get better" and "you deserve better anyway"...blah blah blah. I appreciate what people are trying to do, and I know it's all with good intentions and out of love, but after you've heard the same things over and over, you realize that the words bring no comfort at all. Nothing does. Maybe this is why I don't like talking about what's going on in detail. It helps nothing and only makes me relive the pain through the re-telling. Right now I just need time and space. This is especially hard for my coworkers to understand right now. I can tell that it bothers them that I'm not as social, don't eat lunch with them, etc. It's nothing against them at all. I'm just sad right now and need some time and space to get myself through it. I'm not ready to laugh yet, and I don't want to kill a good atmosphere with what's going on in my personal life.
In a few weeks, I'll be better. My life was recently turned upside down and it just takes a while to get everything back into place. But I'll get there and I'll be stronger for it. Life will one day hold all the happiness that I knew a year ago. It's just going to take a little while to get there. So please be patient with me, world. I'm trying.
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