Holiday update

So, it has been a while since I've been on here! Guess you can say the holidays got a little crazy, but the good kind of crazy. This year was different for my family, as my older sister is now married and they were in NZ for their honeymoon/second wedding for Christmas. We all got together on December 19th, just a few days before they left, to have our family get-together. I brought Sean and Ethan, my godsons, along. Sean is three-years-old and is now old enough to know what's going on and get excited about it. He thought Santa was actually going to be at my parents' house, along with the gifts he brought...haha. But he wasn't the least bit disappointed when he saw all the presents. It was awesome to see him so excited. Ethan is 15-months-old and not quite old enough to understand the concept of Christmas, but he did enjoy the toys. He had been sick the day before, so he was extremely quiet and clingy, but he seemed to have a good time anyway. Their sister, little miss Ashlyn, did not come with us. She is 3-months-old, and I either keep her OR the boys; not all three at once! But we did have gifts for her also. This year was different for me because I got way more excited about the boys opening their gifts rather than me opening my own. I guess I'm getting old!

Damond and I had a good Christmas. It was our first as a couple, and boy was it hard to figure out what to get for him! I tried to make it easy on him and told him several things I could use. He, on the other hand, had a hard time thinking of anything he wanted/needed from me. I called him one day while I was at Best Buy and as we were talking, I walked past an advertisement for the new super mario brothers game for the Wii. I loved the mario brothers when I was younger. I told Damond how much I've been wanting a Wii and how I bet that game is awesome on there. He said I should get it and we would split the cost and that would be our Christmas gift to each other. I thought he was joking at first, and maybe he was, but after thinking for a minute, that didn't seem like such a bad idea! So that's what we ended up doing. We played that thing for hours the day that he hooked it up. He, of course, is much better at it than me, but it's still fun to play, even if you suck. Super mario brothers makes me feel like a kid again, and playing it with my man makes it that much better. :)

New Year's is just around the corner. No big plans for me. I've never been much of a partier, and I'd rather be at home than out on the roads on NYE. Ever since doing a speech on drunk driving in high school, just the thought of coming with 100 feet of someone driving under the influence scares me. I'll either be at my house or at Damond's. And that will be just fine with me!

Yesterday, I heard that one of my high school classmates passed away Sunday when he accidently shot himself in the head. He was 23, same age as me. He and I weren't friends, but I knew of him. His sisters are both very sweet. Good family. I can't imagine what they are going through right now. Each morning when we wake up, I don't think any of us think "today may be my last day here," but the possibility is always there. A lot of Drew's family probably saw him for the last time on Christmas day. I'm sure they never thought it would be the last time they'd see him alive. Each day we get closer to the end. Our clocks are ticking, and it's time that we let go of old grudges, did all the things we always wanted to do, and say all the things that need to be said. Just a few weeks ago, I said some things to someone that I had been needing to say for months. And although it was not percieved well, I can at least live with myself, knowing that I did the hard thing and said what needed to be said. Some things in life are just not easy, but they are necessary. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for the Bradfield family as they go though a time of unbearable grief and pain.

I am thankful that I am here today. I may be tired and feeling a little under the weather, but I am here. God still has something for me to do. My new years resolution: to try to never take one day for granted. Every day is a gift. I will do my best to cherish each and every one of them.

Busy, busy, busy!

Tis' the season....to be busy! November is here, and I'm trying not to stress! Holidays mean less money in my bank account and less free time on my hands, but a lot of good memories to be made. This year, I won't be able to spend a lot of money, like a lot of people. We set a money limit in our family. We've never had to do that before. I'm also setting a limit to spend on my godkids. That will save me a lot.

Christmas will come early this year for my family, as my sister and brother-in-law will be spending Christmas and New Years in New Zeland. I don't think Damond and I will buy each other gifts. We find it much more enjoyable to spend time together with just the two of us, as that's something we don't get much of. It's much more special than exchanging material things. And that's what the holidays are all about, right? Spending time with those you love. A night with just the two of us, a good movie, blanket, candles, and chocolate will be the best Christmas present ever! :)

A friend of mine is getting married November 14th. I'm in the wedding. These past 4 weeks have been spent making preperations for that. I never realized how expensive being in a wedding can be! I can't imagine how stressed her family must be. Anyway, I know it will be a beautiful wedding and after it's over, we can all relax! Looking forward to that.

Would like to write more but I have to get back to work. I have so much to do, but I try to count it a blessing. Stuff to do = revenue = I still have a job. A major think to be thankful for these days.

Dreams

If you know me well, you probably know that one thing that I've always been fascinated with is dreams. I'm not much of a reader, but I do have several books about dreams. And while "decoding" a dream does interest me, I'm more curious as to why we dream. I have researched it, and the answer that I found is no answer at all. No one seems to know for sure. There are theories, but nothing that can be proven. And what controls our dreams? Is it God? Does he sometimes speak to us through our dreams? I have had several dreams that seemed to be nothing but a message from God. But again, something that can't be proven.

I am always trying to remember my dreams, hoping that they will lead me to realizations that I would never have consciously. My dreams seem to come in "chunks." For example, about a year ago, I wanted something so bad that I could hardly stand it. And my dreams around that time were all "wishful dreams." Almost every night, I would dream that I had attained what I had been wanting for so long. I never knew if it was just wishful dreaming, or if it was a glimpse into the future, showing me what I would one day have. Of course, I hoped for the latter, that's a whole other story in itself.

This may sound weird, but I love to dream. Let me explain why. When I have a problem, my natural strategy is to think. A lot. And when I can't find an answer, I always wonder what I'm missing. Seeing "the big picture" is hard for me sometimes, because I am so detail-oriented. Sometimes the only way I've been able to take a step back and see what I'm missing is through dreaming. Why? Because dreams are your brain's way of making sense of and organizing all the information it collected recently while awake. I'm not saying that everytime I've had a problem I just went to sleep and woke up with the answer. That would be nice! It has actually been an extremely rare occurence, but not non-existent. I actually have a book that is mostly about lucid dreaming, which some people believe in and some don't. Lucid dreaming is controlling your dreams via your subconscious. For example, telling yourself before you fall asleep that you want to have a dream that you are flying, and then having that dream once you enter the REM state of sleep. The book actually has mental exercises for you to do before bed that will help you control your dreams. I never tried any of the specific ones, but I did get into the habit of telling myself "I'm going to remember my dreams tonight," and for months, I did! I would remember at least one dream I had every night for months. And even now, I tend to remember my dreams most of the time. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but before knocking the whole lucid dreaming thing, you should try it. I am still fascinated by it. I guess it all has to do with how much we believe in the power of our minds. To me, it's something that should never be underestimated. Who knows? Maybe you'll remember your dreams tonight, just from reading this blog. ;)

Love,
Me

So I am officially a blogger...

Well.....never thought I'd be doing this! But I have started this blog for two reasons. One- I am a major introvert and don't open up as much as I should. And two- It helps to get all my thoughts onto paper, or in this case, in a blog. I can't promise I'll update this all the time, but I'll do my best.

Major thing I am working on in my life right now: TIME MANAGEMENT. There never seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. I don't get to see my boyfriend enough, I can never get everything done around the house, I haven't seen BBK and their kids in months, and I never get to see my godbabies as often as I want to. But just in the past few days, I have realized that I have completely neglected something important for a long time now....myself. I was looking at some recent pictures that my mom sent us, and I could hardly believe what I was seeing. You see, I have always had this thing with thinking of everyone else before I think of myself. I don't do it on purpose; I guess it's just the way God made me. It is my best trait and my worst. What would be ideal is some kind of middle ground where I help others but still give myself the time that I need and deserve. And that goes back to time management. I have a list of things (yes, literally a list) that I need to do for myself...physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. I am going to have to find a way to juggle to all.

One thing I know I am going to have to cut out: time with my godbabies. I love all three of them like they were my own, and it kills me to only see them a couple of weekends a month. But they live over an hour away, and keeping them takes up my whole weekend and burns a hole in my wallet. I spend way too much money on them, thinking that if I don't buy this or that for them, they won't have anything at all. I know....I have to get over that one. I guess the thing is that I love the fact that they need me. Their family struggles to make ends meet, more so than most families, and I'm not afraid to admit that I love being needed. The kids are absolutely amazing. They love me just as much as I love them and seeing them smile and hearing them laugh....well, there's nothing quite like it. Playing with them is almost like a stress reliever for me. Is that weird? For a few hours, I get to revert back to childhood and not have a care in the world. There's no bills to worry about, nothing to cook or clean, no errands I need to run. All I have to do is have fun, say silly things, and laugh....a lot. But maybe keeping them less won't be all that bad. Maybe it will just make me enjoy my time with them more. I sure will miss them though.

On a more positive note, I could not be happier with Damond than I am right now. I have found a rare jewel, and I can't quite figure out what I did to deserve him. Last night he had me in a laughing fit. He was trying to be all smooth and did something that I wish I wouldn't have seen because I laughed until I couldn't breathe. And 10 minutes later, I was still laughing. He was too, but only because I couldn't stop. I think that laughter is a vital part of any relationship, and that's something that we have never lacked. He has kept a smile on my face since day one. But more about him later. Right now I need to get back to work. I know....time management, right? :)

Love,

Me