Selfish vs. Selfless

Everyday, I am amazed at how people make decisions putting themselves before others, never giving a second thought to how their actions may make others feel. Maybe I am wired differently than others. My thoughts are always centered around how my decisions, actions, and words will affect those around me. I don't think my purpose in life should be to gain power, wealth, or glory for myself; I feel like I'm here to help others. I struggle with this sometimes, because there's a balance that I need to keep between taking care of myself while also taking care of those I love. Sometimes I put so much energy into taking care of others, whether it be in a physical, mental, or financial sense, that I forget about myself. It feels very selfish to hear myself say, "I can't help you this time. I need to concentrate on myself right now." As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I unconsciously distance myself from friends that seem to make selfish decisions. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't understand them. That's the only explanation I can come up with. To me, there's nothing more commendable than a person with a good, humble heart who has a passion for raising others up, not themselves. It is so very important to love yourself and accept who you are, flaws and all, but it's equally as important to not get caught up in yourself. There has to be a good balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of others. So many people fall too far to one side or the other, and it seems as if the majority of people are on the selfish side. I seem to be too far on the selfless side. A perfect world would have a good balance of everyone in the middle. Yes, it's highly unrealistic to think that will ever happen, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try. I've tried to make it a point to ask myself every night at bedtime, "What did I do for myself today?" Most of the time the answer is something unimportant like "nails", and sometimes I can't think of anything at all. Which means I've got some work to do.

Chronic fatigue and Vitamin B12

It's been a good week so far. I've been getting a lot more done, and I think I owe it to the Vitamin B12 shots I've been on. I've worked in the healthcare field since I was 17, and this is something I'm still learning about. If you have chronic fatigue (always feel tired), this is something you'll wanna hear about.

Back in August, I went to my doc to follow-up after an ER visit (which is a whole other story in itself. Scary night.) and I just happened to mention to her as a side note that I'm "always tired. I never feel like doing anything." She told me she'd like to do a blood draw and check my Vitamin B12 level. Apparently your B12 level plays a big role in energy. My doctor said that some patients tell her that getting their B12 level back to normal after a long deficiency changed their lives. I was definitely intrigued.

The next week, the nurse called me and said that all my labs were fine except my B12 level, which was low. She explained that the doctor would like to put me on shots for a few months. Shots? For a few months? Was it that low? Couldn't I just take a pill? I had lots of questions.

I began doing my own research and found out that B12 is something that is not only responsible for energy level, but also plays a part in your memory. In fact, long term B12 deficiency can lead to dementia or Alzheimer's disease. I was a little surprised at this. But it did make sense. My boyfriend at the time could tell you better than anyone that I had a HORRIBLE memory. I could tell you about things that happened years and years ago, but if I tried to remember what I wore yesterday, forget it. (No pun intended.)

B12 comes from the food we eat, and is common is most all foods. So according to my research, if you're ever found to have a B12 deficiency, it's likely because your body (for whatever reason) lacks the ability to absorb B12 from foods. Either that or you starve yourself. (Yeah, not likely.)
So most people that are diagnosed with a B12 deficiency will likely be on shots for the rest of their lives. (That was the part I didn't particularly like.)

There are Vitamin B12 pills, but they're good for a little boost here and there. My B12 level was something like 174. It's supposed to be in the thousands. I could just take pills, but it would take years to see a real difference in my energy level. I'm not a fan of pill-taking either, so shots were fine with me.

I had to do one shot a day for a week, then one shot a week for a month, and then one shot a month for 3 months. Then a month after that, I was supposed to go back to the doc to have my level checked again. Since I have experience with shot giving, I gave the shots to myself, usually in the butt. (Nice, huh?) It wasn't usually painful. I don't lack the cushion back there, so I always had a good area to choose from! lol

At the doc after the shot regimen, it wasn't the news I was hoping for. The entire regimen should have brought my levels into the thousands, but it was only 311. The doctor actually thought we hadn't done the shots yet. I had to remind her that we did. (Maybe she needs her B12 level checked! Ha!) So it was back to more shots. This time it was one shot a day for a week, then one shot a week for 3 months, which is what I'm doing now. I'm supposed to go back in May and have it checked one more time. If it's still low, I'll likely be on weekly shots for a lifetime.

But the real story here is how I have felt since being on the shots. It's hard to explain. There was no change in the first few days, but after a while, I started to just feel normal. Not overly energetic, but not sluggish either. Just normal. I still have bouts of being tired, but it seems to be getting better. I'm in a much better mood. I can't tell you if there has been a big change in my memory, because if I have forgotten things, I don't remember forgetting! lol. The inability to remember was obvious when I was with my ex, because he was part of my everyday life. Since we broke up in late January, there's no one that's really there every single day. So maybe my memory is better...I don't know! But regardless, I'm just glad to feel more like myself.

I try to tell people about this because working in the healthcare field, I've seen how the system works. I HATE when a doctor will give you a general diagnosis without finding out what's the cause of the problem. I've seen tons of patient charts with the diagnosis "chronic fatigue syndrome," which means you're tired all the time. Well DUH. The doctor will say, "You're just tired. That's normal. Try to rest more." He'll stick chronic fatigue syndrome in the chart (because he has to give a diagnosis for the insurance) and send you on your way, never bothering to figure out WHY you're so unusually tired. And for those that do try to figure it out, they usually check your thyroid, see if you're anemic, pregnant, etc., which are all reasons you can be tired all the time too. Vitamin B12 is not thought of often, but apparently it's not an uncommon problem.

SO...if you are tired 99.9% of the time for no reason at all, even after resting, maybe you should have your B12 level checked. I'm glad I did, not only for the increased energy, but also because I do not want dementia or Alzheimer's one day. I've seen it first-hand, and it's possibly the saddest thing I've ever had to see. I'll take my shots every week for the rest of my life if that's what I need to do.