Dreams

If you know me well, you probably know that one thing that I've always been fascinated with is dreams. I'm not much of a reader, but I do have several books about dreams. And while "decoding" a dream does interest me, I'm more curious as to why we dream. I have researched it, and the answer that I found is no answer at all. No one seems to know for sure. There are theories, but nothing that can be proven. And what controls our dreams? Is it God? Does he sometimes speak to us through our dreams? I have had several dreams that seemed to be nothing but a message from God. But again, something that can't be proven.

I am always trying to remember my dreams, hoping that they will lead me to realizations that I would never have consciously. My dreams seem to come in "chunks." For example, about a year ago, I wanted something so bad that I could hardly stand it. And my dreams around that time were all "wishful dreams." Almost every night, I would dream that I had attained what I had been wanting for so long. I never knew if it was just wishful dreaming, or if it was a glimpse into the future, showing me what I would one day have. Of course, I hoped for the latter, that's a whole other story in itself.

This may sound weird, but I love to dream. Let me explain why. When I have a problem, my natural strategy is to think. A lot. And when I can't find an answer, I always wonder what I'm missing. Seeing "the big picture" is hard for me sometimes, because I am so detail-oriented. Sometimes the only way I've been able to take a step back and see what I'm missing is through dreaming. Why? Because dreams are your brain's way of making sense of and organizing all the information it collected recently while awake. I'm not saying that everytime I've had a problem I just went to sleep and woke up with the answer. That would be nice! It has actually been an extremely rare occurence, but not non-existent. I actually have a book that is mostly about lucid dreaming, which some people believe in and some don't. Lucid dreaming is controlling your dreams via your subconscious. For example, telling yourself before you fall asleep that you want to have a dream that you are flying, and then having that dream once you enter the REM state of sleep. The book actually has mental exercises for you to do before bed that will help you control your dreams. I never tried any of the specific ones, but I did get into the habit of telling myself "I'm going to remember my dreams tonight," and for months, I did! I would remember at least one dream I had every night for months. And even now, I tend to remember my dreams most of the time. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but before knocking the whole lucid dreaming thing, you should try it. I am still fascinated by it. I guess it all has to do with how much we believe in the power of our minds. To me, it's something that should never be underestimated. Who knows? Maybe you'll remember your dreams tonight, just from reading this blog. ;)

Love,
Me

So I am officially a blogger...

Well.....never thought I'd be doing this! But I have started this blog for two reasons. One- I am a major introvert and don't open up as much as I should. And two- It helps to get all my thoughts onto paper, or in this case, in a blog. I can't promise I'll update this all the time, but I'll do my best.

Major thing I am working on in my life right now: TIME MANAGEMENT. There never seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. I don't get to see my boyfriend enough, I can never get everything done around the house, I haven't seen BBK and their kids in months, and I never get to see my godbabies as often as I want to. But just in the past few days, I have realized that I have completely neglected something important for a long time now....myself. I was looking at some recent pictures that my mom sent us, and I could hardly believe what I was seeing. You see, I have always had this thing with thinking of everyone else before I think of myself. I don't do it on purpose; I guess it's just the way God made me. It is my best trait and my worst. What would be ideal is some kind of middle ground where I help others but still give myself the time that I need and deserve. And that goes back to time management. I have a list of things (yes, literally a list) that I need to do for myself...physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. I am going to have to find a way to juggle to all.

One thing I know I am going to have to cut out: time with my godbabies. I love all three of them like they were my own, and it kills me to only see them a couple of weekends a month. But they live over an hour away, and keeping them takes up my whole weekend and burns a hole in my wallet. I spend way too much money on them, thinking that if I don't buy this or that for them, they won't have anything at all. I know....I have to get over that one. I guess the thing is that I love the fact that they need me. Their family struggles to make ends meet, more so than most families, and I'm not afraid to admit that I love being needed. The kids are absolutely amazing. They love me just as much as I love them and seeing them smile and hearing them laugh....well, there's nothing quite like it. Playing with them is almost like a stress reliever for me. Is that weird? For a few hours, I get to revert back to childhood and not have a care in the world. There's no bills to worry about, nothing to cook or clean, no errands I need to run. All I have to do is have fun, say silly things, and laugh....a lot. But maybe keeping them less won't be all that bad. Maybe it will just make me enjoy my time with them more. I sure will miss them though.

On a more positive note, I could not be happier with Damond than I am right now. I have found a rare jewel, and I can't quite figure out what I did to deserve him. Last night he had me in a laughing fit. He was trying to be all smooth and did something that I wish I wouldn't have seen because I laughed until I couldn't breathe. And 10 minutes later, I was still laughing. He was too, but only because I couldn't stop. I think that laughter is a vital part of any relationship, and that's something that we have never lacked. He has kept a smile on my face since day one. But more about him later. Right now I need to get back to work. I know....time management, right? :)

Love,

Me