There is so much going on right now that it's hard to even know where to begin. I'm still trying to deal with some of the same stuff, and just here in the past few days, there have been new "hurts" and new stresses added. It's certainly easier to deal with problems when it's just one thing at a time, but unfortunately life doesn't ask if you're ready for another problem before it hands one to you.
To be honest I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. But who isn't? We all have our own problems and stresses. I'm certainly not the first person to feel this way.
Unfortunately the only solution to many of my problems is time. They aren't going to go away overnight, so what I need from my loved ones is patience and understanding. I need people to know that I won't be myself for a while, but let me be sad and let me hurt until I'm better.
When you're going through a storm, the worst thing you can do is to tell yourself (and the world) that you're fine when you really aren't. Part of facing pain and getting through it is admitting that it's there. Otherwise you're just "sweeping it under the rug"...pretending like it's not there and not dealing with it. I know this all too well. Because you never truly deal with your problems, they build up until you simply can't handle it and you break down. So many people that you come in contact with everyday is on the brink of a meltdown, but you'd never know it by looking at them. They don't want anyone thinking that they aren't strong enough to deal with whatever is going on (men especially), so they put on a brave face. But the person with true strength isn't afraid to face their pain. They aren't afraid to appear hurt or vulnerable to the world. We all feel pain, and there's nothing wrong with that. You gain strength and build character by facing your hurt, not by acting like everything is fine. I wish people were more honest with themselves these days. I'm sure that this world would be much different if we were.
At this point, I'm honestly very tired of people's attempt at comforting words. The "I'm sorrys" and "things will get better" and "you deserve better anyway"...blah blah blah. I appreciate what people are trying to do, and I know it's all with good intentions and out of love, but after you've heard the same things over and over, you realize that the words bring no comfort at all. Nothing does. Maybe this is why I don't like talking about what's going on in detail. It helps nothing and only makes me relive the pain through the re-telling. Right now I just need time and space. This is especially hard for my coworkers to understand right now. I can tell that it bothers them that I'm not as social, don't eat lunch with them, etc. It's nothing against them at all. I'm just sad right now and need some time and space to get myself through it. I'm not ready to laugh yet, and I don't want to kill a good atmosphere with what's going on in my personal life.
In a few weeks, I'll be better. My life was recently turned upside down and it just takes a while to get everything back into place. But I'll get there and I'll be stronger for it. Life will one day hold all the happiness that I knew a year ago. It's just going to take a little while to get there. So please be patient with me, world. I'm trying.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Self survey
1. Are you slowy drifting away from someone close? If I am, it is intentional and for my own good.
2. When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? Good question. I guess a while ago because I can't remember.
3. How is life going for you right now? Lots of changes. Adjusting.
4. When was the last time you held someone's hand? When I kept Ethan the weekend before last.
5. Who can you tell everything to? God. He already knows anyway.
7. Who was the last person you talked to on AIM? I haven't been on AIM in forever.
8. Last words you spoke? "Bye!" lol
9.Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a C? Yes
13. How do you feel about gay marriage? I'm not the one to judge.
14. What is the next concert you're going to? Probably EHSS, but it won't be for a while.
17. Can you play guitar hero? Never tried, so I guess not. lol
18. Do you like someone? I like a lot of people! ;)
21. Is any part of your body sore? My back from sitting at my desk all day. Need to stretch it.
22. Who was your last text from? Reese
23. What is the last movie you watched in theaters? Dilemma
24. What do you currently hear right now? My fan and the radio
27. Who did you kiss this year at midnight? Well, I was with Damond but he was asleep. So, no one.
28. Who did you last share a bed with? Ethan. My little cuddle bug :)
32. Do fish have feelings? Lol. What a random question. Well, they get in fights with each other, so I guess they can get mad. (It's weird that I know that.)
34. What do you currently smell like? My shampoo. (Where did question 33 go?)
35. How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? No idea. I just take life as it comes.
36. Would you rather watch football or baseball? Football definitely, but I like baseball too as long as it's in person. (Love going to the Braves stadium!)
37. Missing someone right now? Yes, I've been missing my godkids like crazy all week!
38. What's the strangest fact about you? That I can't stand for my socks to be twisted? That's a hard question.
39. Where is your number one person on your friends list? This was obviously made for old-school myspace. lol
43. How much money do you have on you? I have some change and credit and debit cards. I don't normally carry cash.
44. Do you sleep naked? Not usually. Maybe if I'm sick or really hot.
45. Favorite color? Pink or blue
46. Do you burn easily in the sun? If I haven't been laying out recently, I usually burn if I stay out too long. But with sunscreen I'm okay.
47. Do you speak another language other than English? A little spanish.
48. What made you happy today? Good convo with a friend via text messages :)
52. What's something you enjoy? Shopping, getting my nails done, GA football, time with my godbabies.
53. Where and who did your last hug take place? At my former church on Sunday night. I can't remember with who though. We hugged so many people.
54. Did you cry today? No
55. Have you ever had mono? No. Thank goodness.
56. The last place you were (besides now)? Applebees with Brooke
59. The last gift you received? All my Christmas gifts
60. How many times a day do you drop your cell phone? Dang. Probably twice a day. (Too many times.)
61. The top three things you spend the most money on? Food, nails, and my godkids.
62. Last food you ate? Chicken
63. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? How he carries himself.
64.One of your favorite songs? Walkaway Joe will always be one of my favs.
65.The school you attend? I'm not in school anymore.
66. Your cell phone provider? T-Mobile
67. Favorite store in the mall? Probably The Limited
68. The longest job you had? If you count both hospitals, Northside.
69. The biggest lie you've ever heard? That my sisters aren't gayfers. What a joke.
70. In your opinion, do long distance relationships work? If you have a good foundation before you separate and 100% trust, yes. But it's hard to maintain.
71. Do you drink coffee? I like the smell of it, but I don't drink it.
72. What do you wanna say to your most recent ex? I'll have to message him tomorrow after my doctor's appt to let him know how it went. We don't talk regularly, but we are still friends.
73. Do you believe in God? Absolutely
74. How many pillows do you usually sleep with? 3
75. What are you wearing now? My work clothes.
76. How many pets do you own? Two. Wait...those are my sisters. My bad. :)
77. What are you doing tomorrow? Working and going to the doc.
78. Can you play ping pong? No I suck at it!
79. Which place has the best burgers? My dad makes the best burger ever!
80. Have you ever attended a themed party? Does a baby shower count?
81. Have you ever thrown a party? Two bacherlorette parties for close friends and a few baby showers.
82. What time did you wake up this morning? 6am, but I wake up often throughout the night.
83. Last time you were in trouble with the cops? Got a speeding ticket once. I don't know if that counts as trouble though.
84. What color underwear are you wearing? Black
85. What are your plans for this weekend? Dinner with a friend on Friday, Monkey Joe's with all the kids on Saturday, and Super Bowl on Sunday! And house cleaning and laundry somewhere in there.
86. How many days is it until your birthday? Too many to count. It's in September.
87. What do you want to be when you "grow up"? I like what I'm doing now (research), but I do want to finish my degree one day.
88. Have you ever been in the hospital for an emergency? Not a life or death one, but I've had to go to the ER a few times.
89. What jewelery are you wearing? Earrings. And I think it's funny how the person that made this survey can't spell.
90. Do you like avocado? Don't think so
91. What color shirt are you wearing? Black and light purple
92. How long is your hair? Ummm...about halfway between my shoulders and my boobs. Sorry, I didn't know how else to explain it. :)
93. When was the last time you smiled? Earlier today
94. Where is the phone? Dang, I don't know lol. Guess I better go find it! :)
2. When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? Good question. I guess a while ago because I can't remember.
3. How is life going for you right now? Lots of changes. Adjusting.
4. When was the last time you held someone's hand? When I kept Ethan the weekend before last.
5. Who can you tell everything to? God. He already knows anyway.
7. Who was the last person you talked to on AIM? I haven't been on AIM in forever.
8. Last words you spoke? "Bye!" lol
9.Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a C? Yes
13. How do you feel about gay marriage? I'm not the one to judge.
14. What is the next concert you're going to? Probably EHSS, but it won't be for a while.
17. Can you play guitar hero? Never tried, so I guess not. lol
18. Do you like someone? I like a lot of people! ;)
21. Is any part of your body sore? My back from sitting at my desk all day. Need to stretch it.
22. Who was your last text from? Reese
23. What is the last movie you watched in theaters? Dilemma
24. What do you currently hear right now? My fan and the radio
27. Who did you kiss this year at midnight? Well, I was with Damond but he was asleep. So, no one.
28. Who did you last share a bed with? Ethan. My little cuddle bug :)
32. Do fish have feelings? Lol. What a random question. Well, they get in fights with each other, so I guess they can get mad. (It's weird that I know that.)
34. What do you currently smell like? My shampoo. (Where did question 33 go?)
35. How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? No idea. I just take life as it comes.
36. Would you rather watch football or baseball? Football definitely, but I like baseball too as long as it's in person. (Love going to the Braves stadium!)
37. Missing someone right now? Yes, I've been missing my godkids like crazy all week!
38. What's the strangest fact about you? That I can't stand for my socks to be twisted? That's a hard question.
39. Where is your number one person on your friends list? This was obviously made for old-school myspace. lol
43. How much money do you have on you? I have some change and credit and debit cards. I don't normally carry cash.
44. Do you sleep naked? Not usually. Maybe if I'm sick or really hot.
45. Favorite color? Pink or blue
46. Do you burn easily in the sun? If I haven't been laying out recently, I usually burn if I stay out too long. But with sunscreen I'm okay.
47. Do you speak another language other than English? A little spanish.
48. What made you happy today? Good convo with a friend via text messages :)
52. What's something you enjoy? Shopping, getting my nails done, GA football, time with my godbabies.
53. Where and who did your last hug take place? At my former church on Sunday night. I can't remember with who though. We hugged so many people.
54. Did you cry today? No
55. Have you ever had mono? No. Thank goodness.
56. The last place you were (besides now)? Applebees with Brooke
59. The last gift you received? All my Christmas gifts
60. How many times a day do you drop your cell phone? Dang. Probably twice a day. (Too many times.)
61. The top three things you spend the most money on? Food, nails, and my godkids.
62. Last food you ate? Chicken
63. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? How he carries himself.
64.One of your favorite songs? Walkaway Joe will always be one of my favs.
65.The school you attend? I'm not in school anymore.
66. Your cell phone provider? T-Mobile
67. Favorite store in the mall? Probably The Limited
68. The longest job you had? If you count both hospitals, Northside.
69. The biggest lie you've ever heard? That my sisters aren't gayfers. What a joke.
70. In your opinion, do long distance relationships work? If you have a good foundation before you separate and 100% trust, yes. But it's hard to maintain.
71. Do you drink coffee? I like the smell of it, but I don't drink it.
72. What do you wanna say to your most recent ex? I'll have to message him tomorrow after my doctor's appt to let him know how it went. We don't talk regularly, but we are still friends.
73. Do you believe in God? Absolutely
74. How many pillows do you usually sleep with? 3
75. What are you wearing now? My work clothes.
76. How many pets do you own? Two. Wait...those are my sisters. My bad. :)
77. What are you doing tomorrow? Working and going to the doc.
78. Can you play ping pong? No I suck at it!
79. Which place has the best burgers? My dad makes the best burger ever!
80. Have you ever attended a themed party? Does a baby shower count?
81. Have you ever thrown a party? Two bacherlorette parties for close friends and a few baby showers.
82. What time did you wake up this morning? 6am, but I wake up often throughout the night.
83. Last time you were in trouble with the cops? Got a speeding ticket once. I don't know if that counts as trouble though.
84. What color underwear are you wearing? Black
85. What are your plans for this weekend? Dinner with a friend on Friday, Monkey Joe's with all the kids on Saturday, and Super Bowl on Sunday! And house cleaning and laundry somewhere in there.
86. How many days is it until your birthday? Too many to count. It's in September.
87. What do you want to be when you "grow up"? I like what I'm doing now (research), but I do want to finish my degree one day.
88. Have you ever been in the hospital for an emergency? Not a life or death one, but I've had to go to the ER a few times.
89. What jewelery are you wearing? Earrings. And I think it's funny how the person that made this survey can't spell.
90. Do you like avocado? Don't think so
91. What color shirt are you wearing? Black and light purple
92. How long is your hair? Ummm...about halfway between my shoulders and my boobs. Sorry, I didn't know how else to explain it. :)
93. When was the last time you smiled? Earlier today
94. Where is the phone? Dang, I don't know lol. Guess I better go find it! :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A little medical humor
Thought I'd share this as my blog tonight because I'm in a luaghing mood. :)
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticedthat there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient'santerior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed."Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn'tsee. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when myhusband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, andabove it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name
(Can't blame him!)
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticedthat there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient'santerior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed."Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn'tsee. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when myhusband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, andabove it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name
(Can't blame him!)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Season of change
"The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes."
Change seems to be the theme of my life at the moment. Last week, my boyfriend and I, after two years together, went our separate ways. To say I never thought I'd be in this position is an understatement. From the time we started dating, I knew I had found a rare jewel. He was (and is) a truly good man with a good heart. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was it for me. But just because two people are good as individuals does not always mean that they are good for each other. I guess we're still friends. We never agreed to a friendship, but we have corresponded a couple of times since the break-up, and although we are obviously both still hurting, there's no reason to hate each other and never speak again. I miss him. Terribly. I miss his laugh. I miss how he understood me without needing an explanation. I miss having someone to call each night and tell your whole day to. But these are things that I will get used to. Several people have asked me if I am okay. Frankly, right now I am not, but I will be. Sometimes you have to just let things hurt for a while. Nothing heals the pain except time. Two years is a long time to date someone, and some days it's still a shock when I wake up and remember that we're no longer together. Adjusting and healing will just take some time, but I'll get there. I am trying to use this time as a single woman to concentrate on myself. Again, this is another adjustment. I am used to putting my time and energy into taking care of others. Finding a balance between taking care of myself and taking care of those I love is a learning process. But I certainly do have the time to learn right now. So right now I'm living a "one day at a time" kind of life. But it's times that these that builds character and makes you a better person. I know that God is preparing my heart for something great, and I intend to be ready and with an open heart when the time comes along. Right now, I just need a little time to put the pieces back together.
Change seems to be the theme of my life at the moment. Last week, my boyfriend and I, after two years together, went our separate ways. To say I never thought I'd be in this position is an understatement. From the time we started dating, I knew I had found a rare jewel. He was (and is) a truly good man with a good heart. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was it for me. But just because two people are good as individuals does not always mean that they are good for each other. I guess we're still friends. We never agreed to a friendship, but we have corresponded a couple of times since the break-up, and although we are obviously both still hurting, there's no reason to hate each other and never speak again. I miss him. Terribly. I miss his laugh. I miss how he understood me without needing an explanation. I miss having someone to call each night and tell your whole day to. But these are things that I will get used to. Several people have asked me if I am okay. Frankly, right now I am not, but I will be. Sometimes you have to just let things hurt for a while. Nothing heals the pain except time. Two years is a long time to date someone, and some days it's still a shock when I wake up and remember that we're no longer together. Adjusting and healing will just take some time, but I'll get there. I am trying to use this time as a single woman to concentrate on myself. Again, this is another adjustment. I am used to putting my time and energy into taking care of others. Finding a balance between taking care of myself and taking care of those I love is a learning process. But I certainly do have the time to learn right now. So right now I'm living a "one day at a time" kind of life. But it's times that these that builds character and makes you a better person. I know that God is preparing my heart for something great, and I intend to be ready and with an open heart when the time comes along. Right now, I just need a little time to put the pieces back together.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Holiday update
So, it has been a while since I've been on here! Guess you can say the holidays got a little crazy, but the good kind of crazy. This year was different for my family, as my older sister is now married and they were in NZ for their honeymoon/second wedding for Christmas. We all got together on December 19th, just a few days before they left, to have our family get-together. I brought Sean and Ethan, my godsons, along. Sean is three-years-old and is now old enough to know what's going on and get excited about it. He thought Santa was actually going to be at my parents' house, along with the gifts he brought...haha. But he wasn't the least bit disappointed when he saw all the presents. It was awesome to see him so excited. Ethan is 15-months-old and not quite old enough to understand the concept of Christmas, but he did enjoy the toys. He had been sick the day before, so he was extremely quiet and clingy, but he seemed to have a good time anyway. Their sister, little miss Ashlyn, did not come with us. She is 3-months-old, and I either keep her OR the boys; not all three at once! But we did have gifts for her also. This year was different for me because I got way more excited about the boys opening their gifts rather than me opening my own. I guess I'm getting old!
Damond and I had a good Christmas. It was our first as a couple, and boy was it hard to figure out what to get for him! I tried to make it easy on him and told him several things I could use. He, on the other hand, had a hard time thinking of anything he wanted/needed from me. I called him one day while I was at Best Buy and as we were talking, I walked past an advertisement for the new super mario brothers game for the Wii. I loved the mario brothers when I was younger. I told Damond how much I've been wanting a Wii and how I bet that game is awesome on there. He said I should get it and we would split the cost and that would be our Christmas gift to each other. I thought he was joking at first, and maybe he was, but after thinking for a minute, that didn't seem like such a bad idea! So that's what we ended up doing. We played that thing for hours the day that he hooked it up. He, of course, is much better at it than me, but it's still fun to play, even if you suck. Super mario brothers makes me feel like a kid again, and playing it with my man makes it that much better. :)
New Year's is just around the corner. No big plans for me. I've never been much of a partier, and I'd rather be at home than out on the roads on NYE. Ever since doing a speech on drunk driving in high school, just the thought of coming with 100 feet of someone driving under the influence scares me. I'll either be at my house or at Damond's. And that will be just fine with me!
Yesterday, I heard that one of my high school classmates passed away Sunday when he accidently shot himself in the head. He was 23, same age as me. He and I weren't friends, but I knew of him. His sisters are both very sweet. Good family. I can't imagine what they are going through right now. Each morning when we wake up, I don't think any of us think "today may be my last day here," but the possibility is always there. A lot of Drew's family probably saw him for the last time on Christmas day. I'm sure they never thought it would be the last time they'd see him alive. Each day we get closer to the end. Our clocks are ticking, and it's time that we let go of old grudges, did all the things we always wanted to do, and say all the things that need to be said. Just a few weeks ago, I said some things to someone that I had been needing to say for months. And although it was not percieved well, I can at least live with myself, knowing that I did the hard thing and said what needed to be said. Some things in life are just not easy, but they are necessary. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for the Bradfield family as they go though a time of unbearable grief and pain.
I am thankful that I am here today. I may be tired and feeling a little under the weather, but I am here. God still has something for me to do. My new years resolution: to try to never take one day for granted. Every day is a gift. I will do my best to cherish each and every one of them.
Damond and I had a good Christmas. It was our first as a couple, and boy was it hard to figure out what to get for him! I tried to make it easy on him and told him several things I could use. He, on the other hand, had a hard time thinking of anything he wanted/needed from me. I called him one day while I was at Best Buy and as we were talking, I walked past an advertisement for the new super mario brothers game for the Wii. I loved the mario brothers when I was younger. I told Damond how much I've been wanting a Wii and how I bet that game is awesome on there. He said I should get it and we would split the cost and that would be our Christmas gift to each other. I thought he was joking at first, and maybe he was, but after thinking for a minute, that didn't seem like such a bad idea! So that's what we ended up doing. We played that thing for hours the day that he hooked it up. He, of course, is much better at it than me, but it's still fun to play, even if you suck. Super mario brothers makes me feel like a kid again, and playing it with my man makes it that much better. :)
New Year's is just around the corner. No big plans for me. I've never been much of a partier, and I'd rather be at home than out on the roads on NYE. Ever since doing a speech on drunk driving in high school, just the thought of coming with 100 feet of someone driving under the influence scares me. I'll either be at my house or at Damond's. And that will be just fine with me!
Yesterday, I heard that one of my high school classmates passed away Sunday when he accidently shot himself in the head. He was 23, same age as me. He and I weren't friends, but I knew of him. His sisters are both very sweet. Good family. I can't imagine what they are going through right now. Each morning when we wake up, I don't think any of us think "today may be my last day here," but the possibility is always there. A lot of Drew's family probably saw him for the last time on Christmas day. I'm sure they never thought it would be the last time they'd see him alive. Each day we get closer to the end. Our clocks are ticking, and it's time that we let go of old grudges, did all the things we always wanted to do, and say all the things that need to be said. Just a few weeks ago, I said some things to someone that I had been needing to say for months. And although it was not percieved well, I can at least live with myself, knowing that I did the hard thing and said what needed to be said. Some things in life are just not easy, but they are necessary. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for the Bradfield family as they go though a time of unbearable grief and pain.
I am thankful that I am here today. I may be tired and feeling a little under the weather, but I am here. God still has something for me to do. My new years resolution: to try to never take one day for granted. Every day is a gift. I will do my best to cherish each and every one of them.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Busy, busy, busy!
Tis' the season....to be busy! November is here, and I'm trying not to stress! Holidays mean less money in my bank account and less free time on my hands, but a lot of good memories to be made. This year, I won't be able to spend a lot of money, like a lot of people. We set a money limit in our family. We've never had to do that before. I'm also setting a limit to spend on my godkids. That will save me a lot.
Christmas will come early this year for my family, as my sister and brother-in-law will be spending Christmas and New Years in New Zeland. I don't think Damond and I will buy each other gifts. We find it much more enjoyable to spend time together with just the two of us, as that's something we don't get much of. It's much more special than exchanging material things. And that's what the holidays are all about, right? Spending time with those you love. A night with just the two of us, a good movie, blanket, candles, and chocolate will be the best Christmas present ever! :)
A friend of mine is getting married November 14th. I'm in the wedding. These past 4 weeks have been spent making preperations for that. I never realized how expensive being in a wedding can be! I can't imagine how stressed her family must be. Anyway, I know it will be a beautiful wedding and after it's over, we can all relax! Looking forward to that.
Would like to write more but I have to get back to work. I have so much to do, but I try to count it a blessing. Stuff to do = revenue = I still have a job. A major think to be thankful for these days.
Christmas will come early this year for my family, as my sister and brother-in-law will be spending Christmas and New Years in New Zeland. I don't think Damond and I will buy each other gifts. We find it much more enjoyable to spend time together with just the two of us, as that's something we don't get much of. It's much more special than exchanging material things. And that's what the holidays are all about, right? Spending time with those you love. A night with just the two of us, a good movie, blanket, candles, and chocolate will be the best Christmas present ever! :)
A friend of mine is getting married November 14th. I'm in the wedding. These past 4 weeks have been spent making preperations for that. I never realized how expensive being in a wedding can be! I can't imagine how stressed her family must be. Anyway, I know it will be a beautiful wedding and after it's over, we can all relax! Looking forward to that.
Would like to write more but I have to get back to work. I have so much to do, but I try to count it a blessing. Stuff to do = revenue = I still have a job. A major think to be thankful for these days.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Dreams
If you know me well, you probably know that one thing that I've always been fascinated with is dreams. I'm not much of a reader, but I do have several books about dreams. And while "decoding" a dream does interest me, I'm more curious as to why we dream. I have researched it, and the answer that I found is no answer at all. No one seems to know for sure. There are theories, but nothing that can be proven. And what controls our dreams? Is it God? Does he sometimes speak to us through our dreams? I have had several dreams that seemed to be nothing but a message from God. But again, something that can't be proven.
I am always trying to remember my dreams, hoping that they will lead me to realizations that I would never have consciously. My dreams seem to come in "chunks." For example, about a year ago, I wanted something so bad that I could hardly stand it. And my dreams around that time were all "wishful dreams." Almost every night, I would dream that I had attained what I had been wanting for so long. I never knew if it was just wishful dreaming, or if it was a glimpse into the future, showing me what I would one day have. Of course, I hoped for the latter, that's a whole other story in itself.
This may sound weird, but I love to dream. Let me explain why. When I have a problem, my natural strategy is to think. A lot. And when I can't find an answer, I always wonder what I'm missing. Seeing "the big picture" is hard for me sometimes, because I am so detail-oriented. Sometimes the only way I've been able to take a step back and see what I'm missing is through dreaming. Why? Because dreams are your brain's way of making sense of and organizing all the information it collected recently while awake. I'm not saying that everytime I've had a problem I just went to sleep and woke up with the answer. That would be nice! It has actually been an extremely rare occurence, but not non-existent. I actually have a book that is mostly about lucid dreaming, which some people believe in and some don't. Lucid dreaming is controlling your dreams via your subconscious. For example, telling yourself before you fall asleep that you want to have a dream that you are flying, and then having that dream once you enter the REM state of sleep. The book actually has mental exercises for you to do before bed that will help you control your dreams. I never tried any of the specific ones, but I did get into the habit of telling myself "I'm going to remember my dreams tonight," and for months, I did! I would remember at least one dream I had every night for months. And even now, I tend to remember my dreams most of the time. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but before knocking the whole lucid dreaming thing, you should try it. I am still fascinated by it. I guess it all has to do with how much we believe in the power of our minds. To me, it's something that should never be underestimated. Who knows? Maybe you'll remember your dreams tonight, just from reading this blog. ;)
Love,
Me
I am always trying to remember my dreams, hoping that they will lead me to realizations that I would never have consciously. My dreams seem to come in "chunks." For example, about a year ago, I wanted something so bad that I could hardly stand it. And my dreams around that time were all "wishful dreams." Almost every night, I would dream that I had attained what I had been wanting for so long. I never knew if it was just wishful dreaming, or if it was a glimpse into the future, showing me what I would one day have. Of course, I hoped for the latter, that's a whole other story in itself.
This may sound weird, but I love to dream. Let me explain why. When I have a problem, my natural strategy is to think. A lot. And when I can't find an answer, I always wonder what I'm missing. Seeing "the big picture" is hard for me sometimes, because I am so detail-oriented. Sometimes the only way I've been able to take a step back and see what I'm missing is through dreaming. Why? Because dreams are your brain's way of making sense of and organizing all the information it collected recently while awake. I'm not saying that everytime I've had a problem I just went to sleep and woke up with the answer. That would be nice! It has actually been an extremely rare occurence, but not non-existent. I actually have a book that is mostly about lucid dreaming, which some people believe in and some don't. Lucid dreaming is controlling your dreams via your subconscious. For example, telling yourself before you fall asleep that you want to have a dream that you are flying, and then having that dream once you enter the REM state of sleep. The book actually has mental exercises for you to do before bed that will help you control your dreams. I never tried any of the specific ones, but I did get into the habit of telling myself "I'm going to remember my dreams tonight," and for months, I did! I would remember at least one dream I had every night for months. And even now, I tend to remember my dreams most of the time. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but before knocking the whole lucid dreaming thing, you should try it. I am still fascinated by it. I guess it all has to do with how much we believe in the power of our minds. To me, it's something that should never be underestimated. Who knows? Maybe you'll remember your dreams tonight, just from reading this blog. ;)
Love,
Me
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